To BLESSED to be STRESSED

I am sitting here with my windows open with a beautiful breeze blowing through my house...that is a beautiful thing!  

Last night I was watching a TV show and there was a man on there who has been through a lot rough times and he made the comment that when people ask him how he manages to smile and go on, he says that he tells them that "I am too blessed to be stressed."  I was struck... all the times that I have allowed my self to be stressed over things that I can't control - only focusing on the bad and not thinking about all the good I have in my life...

This morning I was reading one of the Psalms ( I am going through a plan to read the Bible through in a year and have chosen to the schedule some...I also decided to do a more in depth study of the Psalms and eventually in Proverbs) and ironically, because we all know that nothing happens for a reason ;-) my Psalm today was Psalm 31, which is about being in times of stress and completely committing to depending on God.

   PSALM 31 - ESV

  In you, O LORD, do I take refuge;
        let me never be put to shame;
        in your righteousness deliver me!
    Incline your ear to me;
        rescue me speedily!
    Be a rock of refuge for me,
        a strong fortress to save me!
    For you are my rock and my fortress;
        and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me;
    you take me out of the net they have hidden for me,
        for you are my refuge.
    Into your hand I commit my spirit;
        you have redeemed me, O LORD, faithful God.
    I hate those who pay regard to worthless idols,
        but I trust in the LORD.
    I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
        because you have seen my affliction;
        you have known the distress of my soul,
    and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;
        you have set my feet in a broad place.
    Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
        my eye is wasted from grief;
        my soul and my body also.
    For my life is spent with sorrow,
        and my years with sighing;
    my strength fails because of my iniquity,
        and my bones waste away.
    Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach,
        especially to my neighbors,
    and an object of dread to my acquaintances;
        those who see me in the street flee from me.
    I have been forgotten like one who is dead;
        I have become like a broken vessel.
    For I hear the whispering of many—
        terror on every side!—
    as they scheme together against me,
        as they plot to take my life.
    But I trust in you, O LORD;
        I say, “You are my God.”
    My times are in your hand;
        rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!
    Make your face shine on your servant;
        save me in your steadfast love!
    O LORD, let me not be put to shame,
        for I call upon you;
    let the wicked be put to shame;
        let them go silently to Sheol.
    Let the lying lips be mute,
        which speak insolently against the righteous
        in pride and contempt.
    Oh, how abundant is your goodness,
        which you have stored up for those who fear you
    and worked for those who take refuge in you,
        in the sight of the children of mankind!
    In the cover of your presence you hide them
        from the plots of men;
    you store them in your shelter
        from the strife of tongues.
    Blessed be the LORD,
        for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me
        when I was in a besieged city.
    I had said in my alarm,
        “I am cut off from your sight.”
    But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy
        when I cried to you for help.
    Love the LORD, all you his saints!
        The LORD preserves the faithful
        but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.
    Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
        all you who wait for the LORD!   

I really just sat here and thought to myself - above all things in my life...no matter how bad or horrible, no matter how much things hurt or sadden me, I HAVE THE LORD.  Does this mean that I will never feel stress or worry - probably not, but I have found a deeper understanding in what it means to cling to the Lord because He is always there, He will make all things work for good according to His timing and purpose, He will never leave or forsake me and when those things put me in a place of despondency, He will carry me through...

So today, I will focus on my blessings:

My salvation and beautiful and growing relationship with Jesus...my husband, who loves me more than anyone ever should...my beautiful and healthy boys...a loving family  and friends....a home...a job....a car....my basic needs and even many wants are met.....hope in reconciliation and new beginnings....beautiful weather....

Truly, the list could go on and on...I can't guarantee what my tomorrow holds, but I can guarantee that I have Jesus to walk with me through...so yeah, I am to blessed to be stressed. 

No matter where I am, so is He...PART 2

Another Kari Jobe song (from her new amazing album) goes well with my last blog...I want to add that in times of prayer, sometimes I lay in bed or I am just sitting on the couch or at my desk, but there are absolute times that I feel that it is beyond necessary to be on your knees and times where laying on my face (literally) is necessary - I believe that in my broken moments or when I am in adoration and praise that I must be as humble as possible just to honor His glory.  This song is called "Find You On My Knees" and you can listen to it here

No matter where I am, so is He...

As I have said before, I am a major music fan and it is something that I use to connect with Him before I pray, read my Bible or when I feel like I need to hear Him in a different way.  Kari Jobe has a new album and it is amazing...One song, called "Here" has been particularity ministering to my heart, especially if I listen to it before I pray.  You can listen to it here. The lyrics are so true and powerful: 

Come and rest here

Come and lay your burdens down

Come and rest here

There is refuge for you now

You'll find His peace 

And know you are not alone anymore

He is near

You'll find His healing

Your heart isn't shattered anymore

He is here

Breathe in

Breath out

You will

You will find Him here

Come and rest here

Come and lay your burdens down

Come and rest here

There is refuge for you now

You'll find His peace 

And know you are not alone anymore

He is near

You'll find His healing

Your heart isn't shattered anymore

He is here

Breathe in

Breath out

You will

You will find Him here

I will rest in You

I will rest in You

I will rest in You

I will rest in You

Breathe in

Breath out

You will

You will find Him here

Breathe in

Breath out

You will

You will find Him here

You will find Him

You will find Him here

You will find Him

You will find Him here

I am a huge believer in bringing Him thanks and praise in prayer.  I think that it is something that you should almost say first - praise Him just for who He is and what He has done for you and then praise Him for all He has given and blessed you with...then pray the needs and burdens of myself, loved ones and others and then praise Him again. 

But, there are times where the burden is so great and the pain is so deep and all you can do is cry out to Him.  Sometimes, in these times of my life, I have a hard time coming to Him in brokenness...I don't know if it is because I feel ashamed that I have such a great need or because I am so broken that I don't even know how I got to that point...either way, I have always had a hard time with unburdening knowing that I am going to be asking for so much.  When I heard this song I was so touched because it made me realize that He is here - He knows that I am so broken and He has given us His death and resurrection (one of the reasons) so we can lay at the foot of the cross and be unburdened.  As I have been reading through the Psalms, it is so clear that He wants us to come to Him with our praise and thanksgiving, but also our burdens.  

Psalm 4:1 ...Answer me when I call to You, O my righteous God.  Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer...

Psalm 6:4...Turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of Your unfailing love,...  6:9...The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer...

Psalm 18:6...In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears...  18:16-17...He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were to strong for me...  18:28...You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light...

These are just a few of the Psalms that talk to us and teach us about His love, His heart for our burdens and that He is always there....Psalm 22, 25, 27 and 28....the list is endless...I realize that I should not feel shame in needing Him so much because He wants me to need Him...He wants to help me, love me, teach me, guide me through those times of great burden and pain because He is the light in the darkness...

In my times of great burden what could be more beautiful then putting in my headphones, listening to this song and taking a deep breath and bringing my burdens to the One that loves me more than any other....

Worth - We all have a purpose

Worth:

n.

1. The quality that renders something desirable, useful, or valuable: the worth of higher education.

2.. Quality that commands esteem or respect; merit

adj.

1. Deserving of; meriting: a proposal not worth consideration.

 

I think that everyone desires and works toward finding worth in themselves.  I think that it is one of the things that people struggle with most in their life.  A lot of the times I believe that after salvation, guilt and shame can be overwhelming - realizing the things you have done that brought glory to nothing, things that harmed you, things that you now realize are sin and that satan takes these things and uses them against you - which begins the process of asking yourself, "How can I be used, how can I be of any worth in His kingdom and to bring Him glory with all of this baggage dragging behind me?"  

 

It is so easy to slide into that vicious cycle of self hatred and doubt because we realize how important it is to be pleasing to Him, to follow His commandments and rules for life that we forget that the past is the past and in Him we are created new - clean in His sight.  I have said many times in my walk that I struggle with worth and value.  I find so much shame in the things I did before I knew Him, but it is choices that I have made after knowing Him and knowing better that have affected me more as of late.  

 

Christians are the worst judges of other Christians in my opinion.  I think that it is like a poison that we take - if we find the bad in others than we won't see the bad in ourselves.  Maybe if I focus on the speck in their eye, I won't have to look at the redwood tree coming out of mine...Yea, we all have done it.  It makes it worse as we become vocal about our love of Him and others start to point out all of the things that we do that are not Christian or when we let our flesh overtake our heart and do things spur of the moment and then we get questioned on what kind of Christian we really are - WE ARE STILL HUMAN PEOPLE!!!!  Yea, I am sure you are wondering if I am going to get to a point and stop rambling, but I think we have to realize the magnitude these things have on the person who is trying to grow and change (and face it, we all make mistakes in our daily life) and how this makes them look at their worth in a negative way.

 

God doesn't call us to be perfect, but to be better.  To do our best to live a life that is pleasing to Him and thank heavens for the cross, because in the moments we are overcome with our flesh, we can come to Him with repentance and be forgiven - the problem is the people around us are not so gracious and we have consequences to our choices and actions - these things we have to deal with, these things can be hard, emotionally draining, daunting and sometimes they can bring up the things that we like least in ourselves. Then there we are back at doubting our worth, wondering if we are worthy of His love and sometimes getting to the point of feeling of worthy of His gift on the cross...the TRUTH is we are all someone WORTH dying for - He desires and loves all of us and what matters is that we have repentance of our mistakes - that we recognize that we have been wrong, that we become aware that when we allow ourselves to act in our flesh that we have to learn from our mistakes - most of that the people around us are not always going to act like Jesus and that we may have consequences to face, but with Him and by being in His word - we can overcome and our redemption is sure...We are not perfect, but we all have a purpose and a worth - 

 

MikesChair has an amazing song to remind us that we are worth His love and death:

"...You are WORTH it... the cross has proven that you're sacred and blameless, your life has purpose..." 

 

We are fearfully and wonderfully made and precious in His sight - even at our worst, He is still there to love us, guide us and help us grow...there is worth in that alone because we are daughters and sons of the King - and we have a God who loves us and found us worthy enough to die for us - knowing everything about you, He still chose to die for you - there is no better worth than what can be found in that kind of love - 

But You Love Me Anyway

I am in such awe of Him.  I am amazed of how is blessings are abundant even when I think I deserve it the least.  I have recently gotten a part time job and have found out that I work with really wonderful people.  Aaron and I have tossed back in forth trading in our vehicle because we have started to have to put a lot of money into it, but felt unsure if we would get a good deal and benefit.  I was just talking to one of my co-workers about it.  Telling her parameters on payments, etc. and she kind of started looking and we decided to start the process and see what our options are.  Within 24 hours, we were driving off the lot in a 2011 Chevy Equinox with only 22,600 miles on it, bumper to bumper warranty for 5 years (100,000) miles, etc with every parameter we asked for received.  More than we need, better than what we deserve and He provided.  The people I work with helped us without gaining anything, probably losing some and did it with joy.  Truly, I feel blessed just to be working with people who truly helped us.  I don't say this to plug anyone or place, but to praise Him for allowing me to be in that kind of environment, surrounded by those kind of people because I find it humbling.  

I call this blog, "But You Love Me Anyway" because lately, I have found myself worrying about things, being frustrated with others and in general not giving Him the control that I should - again thinking I can handle everything and not trusting in the God who has time and time again shown me that He is all He claims to be.  I hate that attribute of myself, one who is unwilling to just trust.  Without fail, He shows up and shows me that I am wrong and usually in a powerful way, but none as powerful as this.  I think that I have had my "come to Jesus" moment and that hated attribute is not going to defeat me again and not just because I have something beautiful in my driveway, but because He humbled me across the board on this one - the kind of one your face humbling that really hits you like a ton of bricks - life lesson learned.  As the four of us prayed around our car that night, praising Him for His generosity, I heard that child like faith in their voices and in mine...

Any time He blesses me, I find myself struck because it always seems it is in a time where I am being the most stubborn, fighting Him, doubting, struggling with trust or faith in His promises - yet on top of loving me anyway, holding me when I reject, He choice to bless.  We serve such a loving and giving Father.  I find myself unable to even make this blog begin to make sense because as I type I am overwhelmed with love, His presence and a sense of something I can't explain.  I can't find the words because this isn't just about our new vehicle, or having a material thing, it is about what He taught me and the lesson is so deep and powerful that it overwhelms... 

There is a song with the tile of my blog - it is one that I identify with.  You can listen to it here: Sidewalk Prophets - You Love Me Anyway

I am blessed with or without this car - I have a husband who thinks I am a princess (literally), kids who I adore and love and they return the same affections, a Savior who loves me when I am nothing but undeserving, and wonderful people in my life - family, friends, co-workers....so I take this extra blessing and accept it as something more than I could ever imagined having and in return, I give it back to Him because nothing I have is truly mine because I would not have anything if it wasn't for Him...Great is His faithfulness when I am least deserving...Great is His love no matter where I find myself and Great is His blessings when you least see them coming...

Awakening

These thoughts have been stirring in my head for a few months, ever since I heard the song "Awakening" - You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AmvyGu1WeA 

I have always been moved by music...I find it to be one of the best comforter's of my soul.  It is one of the few things that can calm my ADD brain and allow myself to be truly present and one tracked.  I have never claimed to have an easy spiritual journey.  I still find myself caught up with worrying (No matter how worn out Matthew 6:25-34 has gotten in my Bible) or feeling like I will never be enough to truly receive the love He has for me.  I have struggled for a long time with self-worth and feeling that I am "good enough" to receive that kind of love, not just in my relationship with Him, but even with my amazing husband.  It is almost like I start to let myself open up to all the beauty and love and then I hear one of those desperate lies come creeping into my thoughts and close down.  

On nights when I can't sleep, I usually put my iPod on and listen to music.  I have just downloaded that song a few days before, but had not listened to it.  I know this may sound weird, but I always pray that He would give me the songs I need to hear and put my iPod on shuffle and go with it.  This song was the first to come on that evening...as the words began to fill my senses, "Holy Spirit, we desire, awakening.  For You and You alone, awake my soul, awake my soul and sing. For the world You love, Your will be done, let Your will be done in me." and later into the song... "Like the rising sun that shines, from the darkness comes a light, I hear Your voice say 'This is my awakening.'"   

I was so overcome with such a strong sense of love and being and it happens every time I listen to that song.  It has become my "comfort" in the moments where I begin to let myself believe the things that are not from Him and it has helped me see and know that I need to awake my soul everyday to Him, His Words, His desires for my day and for my life.  The path of a relationship with Him is different for everyone.  Some choose to follow and believe and can stay straight and narrow in their walk, some wander off slightly and occasionally and others are constantly finding themselves to the far left or right and spend more time running back to Him then running after Him.  This doesn't make those of us who fall into the second categories bad, because in any moment that I find myself running back, I have learned a powerful lesson about myself and my walk with Him and I have learned to be better.  Being to the far left or right doesn't necessarily mean you are off in some deep dark sin or something crazy off the wall.  For me, it is usually because I have thought I could control something I couldn't or saw to much badness in people that I believed to be people of strength and deep faith.  Maybe I have had something bad happen in my life or have just let myself be overcome with doubt and fear... 

I love Him with a love that almost scares me because I want nothing more to please Him and become the person who He has laid out for me to be.  Like David, I know I am chasing after His heart, but I stumble, I struggle, I do or think terrible things...I just want to be someone who someday standing before their King, Redeemer, Savior...and is told the simple words of, "Well done."  

My daily prayer has become one of an awakening...that every day the words of that song are where I lay myself down in the morning.  As my wonderful husband tells me everyday that I am a princess because I am a daughter of the King and he will do his best to treat me as such (and he does his best because I know that I have a love in that man that is more than I will ever deserve) I remind myself that my soul belongs to another, one who has loved me enough to die for me, forgive me, deliver me and awaken my heart to something better than life has to offer.   

The why....

I have had a blog before, and then slacked off with it...when I began to think about doing it again, it seemed everyone was doing it and I didn't want to seem like a crowd follower-that has never really been my mantra.  Now, I just want to do it for me (thanks to Laura who made me think about it in a different way).

This is going to be about my thoughts, my spiritual growths and struggles...I will always be in awe of the fact that Jesus delivered me, saved me and loves "even a heart like mine" - I am not claiming to be brilliant with words and even with clear thoughts, but I have always known that sometimes sharing reaches other in a way that normal things don't and maybe someday my blog will do that.  I can promise you I will be real and probably brutally honest at times - but it is in the moments that I have the most clarity and truth...


My walk with Jesus has not been easy and my path has definitely not been straight, but I have learned much and gained even more...the greatest lesson of all is that His LOVE is like no other...it brings LIGHT in the dark, HOPE in the deepest pits and can fill you up like nothing else...GOD IS LOVE and it is my desire that one day at least one person will see His love through me...


So begins my blogging journey again...