Awakening

These thoughts have been stirring in my head for a few months, ever since I heard the song "Awakening" - You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AmvyGu1WeA 

I have always been moved by music...I find it to be one of the best comforter's of my soul.  It is one of the few things that can calm my ADD brain and allow myself to be truly present and one tracked.  I have never claimed to have an easy spiritual journey.  I still find myself caught up with worrying (No matter how worn out Matthew 6:25-34 has gotten in my Bible) or feeling like I will never be enough to truly receive the love He has for me.  I have struggled for a long time with self-worth and feeling that I am "good enough" to receive that kind of love, not just in my relationship with Him, but even with my amazing husband.  It is almost like I start to let myself open up to all the beauty and love and then I hear one of those desperate lies come creeping into my thoughts and close down.  

On nights when I can't sleep, I usually put my iPod on and listen to music.  I have just downloaded that song a few days before, but had not listened to it.  I know this may sound weird, but I always pray that He would give me the songs I need to hear and put my iPod on shuffle and go with it.  This song was the first to come on that evening...as the words began to fill my senses, "Holy Spirit, we desire, awakening.  For You and You alone, awake my soul, awake my soul and sing. For the world You love, Your will be done, let Your will be done in me." and later into the song... "Like the rising sun that shines, from the darkness comes a light, I hear Your voice say 'This is my awakening.'"   

I was so overcome with such a strong sense of love and being and it happens every time I listen to that song.  It has become my "comfort" in the moments where I begin to let myself believe the things that are not from Him and it has helped me see and know that I need to awake my soul everyday to Him, His Words, His desires for my day and for my life.  The path of a relationship with Him is different for everyone.  Some choose to follow and believe and can stay straight and narrow in their walk, some wander off slightly and occasionally and others are constantly finding themselves to the far left or right and spend more time running back to Him then running after Him.  This doesn't make those of us who fall into the second categories bad, because in any moment that I find myself running back, I have learned a powerful lesson about myself and my walk with Him and I have learned to be better.  Being to the far left or right doesn't necessarily mean you are off in some deep dark sin or something crazy off the wall.  For me, it is usually because I have thought I could control something I couldn't or saw to much badness in people that I believed to be people of strength and deep faith.  Maybe I have had something bad happen in my life or have just let myself be overcome with doubt and fear... 

I love Him with a love that almost scares me because I want nothing more to please Him and become the person who He has laid out for me to be.  Like David, I know I am chasing after His heart, but I stumble, I struggle, I do or think terrible things...I just want to be someone who someday standing before their King, Redeemer, Savior...and is told the simple words of, "Well done."  

My daily prayer has become one of an awakening...that every day the words of that song are where I lay myself down in the morning.  As my wonderful husband tells me everyday that I am a princess because I am a daughter of the King and he will do his best to treat me as such (and he does his best because I know that I have a love in that man that is more than I will ever deserve) I remind myself that my soul belongs to another, one who has loved me enough to die for me, forgive me, deliver me and awaken my heart to something better than life has to offer.