Have I become Cynical?

I have been going through Beth Moore's study on the book of James by myself and this morning, I watched session 6.  There were two parts to this session, but part 2 focused on James 4:11....

     "Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. "

As I sat there listening to her talk about the pains of finding out the things brothers and sisters in Christ have said about her - negative things- I thought to myself I am guilty of thoughts and thinking judgmental things about others....aren't we all, but what hit me is that I have become cynical for the same reasons she is talking about.  Let me be clear before I say where I found myself being, I know that be no means I always think or say the right thing, about everyone, I have expectations sometimes on people that I look to as an example and when my expectations (and I realize that I really don't have the right to have them) are shattered, it really floors me.  I AM NOT PERFECT and I this is something I have known and recognized about myself always....I realize that I am guilty of the same thing that I am going to talk about....but here is what I have realized about myself becoming cynical.

I find myself frustrated with Christians because I feel that there is constantly a "talk" about loving one another, being there for each other and praying for each other and I have seen that this is not always the case.  I have always felt more judged by believers then non-believers...I know that I am not cut from the same cloth as others...I am more outspoken, I am passionate about what I think and feel and I am not ashamed to share my thoughts or ideas....I prefer jeans and sweats and am not so much into looking the part...when I feel, I feel deeply...and life affects me....I feel that people have this idea of what I should "look" like, "act" like, etc and frankly, it annoys me and frustrates me...I feel that I have become cynical because I think that believers focus so much on what they can do for nonbelievers (and it is important to bring others to Him and reach this group) but if we forget about each other...I don't think that there should be cliques among Christians....I am not talking about groups of friends, but actual cliques...I don't think we should feel excluded, yet I have, do and know for certain that others have too....and these things make me realize that in my love for Him, in my desire to grow in Him, in my hopes and prayers to have closer relationships with other believers, I would much rather hang out with nonbelievers and that the relationships I have with them are sometimes more deep and fulfilling then ones with other believers.... and I realize that in my place of being cynical, and after this session of Bible study, that if I am not careful, He is going to kick me right out of that place because at the end of the day, what matters is my walk and relationship with Him and the things that have me feeling this way, though they matter, I cannot allow them to change the way my life with Him goes and is.....we all fail, we all have our things and what matters is that I know that who I am is who He is pushing me to be, that His opinion is what matters and I know where I have changed and grown...so I am going to take my cynical self and throw it out the door....love me, don't love me...judge me or not, I know that I can't let myself become cynical and in the same regard work on the things I said above...He is not done with me yet.
 

Book Review: "All Things New" by Lynn Austin

Again, I was lucky to be picked by Bethany House to receive a free book by an author that I already enjoy. 

Josphine, her sister and her mother return to their Virgina plantation after the war between the North and South.  Her father and one brother lost their lives in the war and her other brother comes home completely bitter and broken.  Their home is just a shell of what is was and only one couple has chosen to stay on as employees after their freedom has finally been won.  Josphine finds herself in a broken relationship with God, struggling to finally find herself and place in this new life without what used to be and battling with family and a community who still believes that slavery is what is right.  Through an unexpecited relationship, Josphine begins to find her place, her heart and her relationship with Him....

I loved this book, and found myself constantly wiping away tears....there is nothing more beautiful that people finding spiritual freedom, but when their actual freedom is given, the struggle to find their place and realize just who they are --- this book is an absolute treasure of learning, loving and understanding what just one community was like after the war was over....I see His love and handiwork in so many different situations, struggles and it is beautiful to see where people realize that the mindset they always had, was not what was really right....Lynn Austin has a wonderful accuracy in the historical aspects of the time, the feelings and just what really happens when a family divides.  

A book review: "A Hidden Truth" by Judith Miller

I am an avid reader and love all types of books. I am a Judith Miller fan so I was excited to try a new book of hers. When presented a way to review books through Bethany House publishing, I jumped. I was quick enough to be be part of the group to receive a free copy and was excited to receive the book.

The main characters Karlina and Dovie are both at crossroads in their lives. One is doing a job that is not common for a girl to do in her culture/community of the Amana Colony. The other is coming to visit to learn more of her late mother who was originally from this same Colony and trying to understand more of the mom who passed away to soon.

I was caught and intrigued quickly with in the first chapter because I think Judith Miller is incredibly historically accurate in all her books and I was excited to learn about a new culture/community. The trials and crossroads the main and other characters of the book show a deep honesty that in all different walks and times of life, we all have similar struggles...the gentleness of the way she showed Jesus and His lessons was beautiful. I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone who wants to be touched in the ways that He works, who enjoys learning about other ways and time periods of life and who just wants to enjoy a wonderful read by a truly gifted author.

Tyndale Rewards

I am excited that I have recently found another way to earn free books.  Through a friend, I was given a way to link up with Bethany to possibly review books for them and will be posting my review soon as I just received my first book to review from them!

Tyndale also has an amazing rewards program and you can earn free books by reviewing books that they publish as well!!! Check it out at www.TyndaleRewards.com 

For those who love to read as much as I do, this is a great way to earn points towards free books and who doesn't love a free books!!!

If you desire to sign up with them, please use this link to help me earn extra points - http://www.tyndalerewards.com/signup/?pc=kwrp-jqzk-8p86-j2qy

Happy Reading :)